Everything has changed. This July I made another turn around the sun. I’m in great awe of how years transformed me as a person, but this year made it even more different. Things are not normal. I countlessly think of the reasons and then I realized why.
My body is healing from the big event that happened a month ago. With it are changes in my priorities, hopes, worries, interests, and limits. This year, 2024, everything has changed because it marks my becoming a mother.
Priorities
Family comes first. It’s taught deeply in my head because I grew up in a big family. I thought I knew the meaning of it. But it is not enough that I just knew about it. I started assessing how I spent my day, to what and who I spend it. Most of my time is spent using my phone, and my books, and doing anything I could get my hands on in the house. Which part of my day is spent with my husband? Am I present at the moment? Thinking about this way, I could embrace and live the true meaning of “family comes first”.
Hopes
I thought I was not going to see the end of the day when I was in labor. All I wanted during the last 9 hours was to get up and out of the hospital bed; to see the person I swore to spend my life with; and most of all to birth a healthy baby. But boy, oh boy, things are out of my control. The labor pain was out of my control. The delivery room protocol is out of my control. And my baby is not coming out easily.
All of these taught me that it’s not enough to put my hopes in myself and people. There’s a higher being that I can call out and rely on because I can hope for the best as much as I want but I cannot do so when things are out of my control. But he can do mighty things.
In the last hour of my labor, I saw my husband, I was given an option of what to do next the baby was not coming out, and finally, a little later I was able to deliver my baby normally.
Motherhood taught me that it’s not easy to see the best in a situation especially when you’re hurt and under threat. And that putting my hopes on a mighty being is more than my brain can fathom.
Worries
There are many things in life I thought that would not happen to me, but they did. I worry about my newborn now. I check his breathing now and then. His heat rash. Is he comfortable? Did I feed him on time? Did I have a good laugh with my husband today? My life now is far from my independent, wannabe nomadic self I once was. My worries now are far from the number of walks I made, the calories I burned, and others’ opinions.
I’m feeling different things – good, sad, annoyed, guilty, and at the same time. Things have changed.
Limits
It may seem funny that I thought I could do it all. I told myself that if I could think of it I could probably do it. But when I found out that I was pregnant, I couldn’t be more wrong. I can’t do everything on my own.
I had to unlearn the independent mentality. I had to use the resources I had and ask for help. I’m still learning until now the latter. Asking for help from my husband, and siblings is not a sign of weakness but of strength. It shows how deeply I am rooted in my family and how much love I have for them that I am willing to let go of my ego and show my vulnerability.
This season of motherhood is an important part of my adulthood, and this season changed me. My present world is all new and it has never been more beautiful.
I recently made an audio version of my blogs because I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings to more audience. Sharing feels like a therapy now. Please leave a comment if my stories resonates with you. Thank you. Check the audio here.
Helpful Links
Mixed Emotions of Motherhood
Motherhood – Not What I Planned
My Life Has Changed Drastically Since I Became a Mother
