Why Mothers Say, “If I Die, You Will Look for Me”

Growing up, many of us have heard our mothers utter the haunting phrase, “If I die, you will look for me.” (In my mothers original words in Tagalog, “Kapag namatay ako, hahanapin niyo din ako.”) It is a sentiment that can seem heavy, leaving us with great fear. As a child, I often found these words annoying, a reminder of our mortality that I was not ready to face. However, reflecting on my own experiences as a mother, especially during challenging times like when my own son fell ill, I have come to understand the deeper meaning behind those words.

Mothers express such thoughts not to invoke guilt or sadness, but rather as a poignant reminder of their love and the responsibilities they carry. My mother’s words echoed in my mind recently as I worried about my son’s health. In those moments, I realized that her sentiments were not just idle musings (salitang hindi pinagisipan, Tagalog) about death; they were declarations of devotion. She wanted us to understand the depth of her commitment to our well-being. When she said we would cry at her deathbed, it wasn’t merely an ominous prediction but a heartfelt expression of the bond between a mother and her children.

As I navigated my feelings of fear and love for my sick child, I could see my mother’s perspective more clearly. She reminded herself—and us—of the weight of her love and the unbreakable connection between us. I began to reflect on what my absence would mean for my son. The thought of him growing up without me filled me with sorrow, but it also brought clarity. My mother’s reminder was her way of expressing the unconditional love she felt and the legacy she wished to leave behind.

When we are young, it’s easy to dismiss our mothers’ words as overreactions or unnecessary worries. We might roll our eyes and think, “Why does she always have to say that?” But as life unfolds and we find ourselves in similar situations—whether raising our children, facing challenges, or contemplating the future—we begin to grasp the wisdom in their words. Mothers often speak from experience, using their own fears and hopes to prepare us for the realities of life. (Read: Your Thinking Creates Your Reality)

In conclusion, the next time you hear your mother—or any mother—express concerns about her mortality, take a moment to reflect on her intentions. These words are not meant to burden you but to strengthen the bond of love between mother and child. They are reminders of the sacrifices mothers make and the legacy they hope to instill in their children. As we grow older and take on the role of caregivers, we begin to appreciate these lessons, learning that sometimes, the things we resist the most carry the most profound truths.